Dear Dr. Pat:
My five-year-old son told me that his brain tells him to do "bad things." When I asked what kind of bad things, he said "My brain tells me to steal toys from class and to swing my friends around, but I tell my brain that is bad." Then he told me he does not want to talk about it ever again.
This started yesterday at school. His teacher approached to tell me that, during circle, my son shouted so she asked if he was OK. My son responded that his brain wants him to do bad stuff. My question is who do I talk to? How can I help my child to talk about it?
Dr. Pat responds:
It is very good that your son is telling you about his impulses. This shows a high level of cognitive development. We can change our feelings and behaviour by talking to ourselves in different ways. So if your son is bumped by someone at school, his brain may tell him “She is bugging me. I should punch her.” He could tell his brain “She probably didn’t notice me. Maybe she was thinking about the big project she is doing. I should ask her how she is doing.”
I encourage you to speak with him about this, helping him understand that:
It is normal for our brains to tell us to do different things, both good and bad.
He is really clever to talk back to his brain.
He can tell his brain what to do. If his brain tells him to be mean to someone, he can tell his brain to be nice to that person.
It works better when we talk to our brain silently.
He may not want to talk much about this but you can tell him about times that you have talked back to your brain to help you do what is best.
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
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