By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC
Question
My six-year-old daughter feels and sleeps better when I lay down beside her. In the middle of the night, she will get up and find me in my bedroom with dad. She asks me to come beside her cause she had a bad dream. So I do. Sometimes I end up falling asleep myself beside her; other times I get up and go back to my bed. Is this wrong in any way? I wonder if this sleep routine is psychologically damaging in any way?
Answer
Every family is different. You should do what is best for your family.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Are you exhausted by this arrangement?
- Is your daughter becoming more afraid of things?
- Is your husband irritated by this arrangement?
If everyone is happy, then I see no problem. However, if there are problems, you should consider changing.
If you want to change, try a gradual change. Slowly reduce your presence over several weeks. You could spend less and less time in her bed. Or you can sit in the bed, then on the side of the bed, then on a chair beside her bed, and then on a chair further away. Each time she manages, praise her in the morning for being brave. Don't use punishment.
Whatever you do, she won't want you in her bed when she is 18 years old.
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
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