By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC
Question:
My eight-year-old son has a friend from Palestine and is very upset about what he has heard on how Palestinian people are treated in Israel. He has become very averse to Israel and I have heard him say things against Jewish people. When I punished him for saying these things, he just got angry. Do you have any suggestions?
Dr. Pat responds:
It is good for our children to be concerned about world affairs. Your son being upset about the safety of those in the Middle East shows that you have raised him to be a sensitive and caring person.
However his distress is turning into hatred for a people. This is racism. You are right to correct him. As parents, most of us want our children to enjoy the diversity of peoples and to accept each as an individual. We do not want our children to have racial or ethnic stereotypes.
The most important things you can do are:
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Show that you do not discriminate against any racial or ethnic group.
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Have friends of different ethnic and racial groups.
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Emphasize that all people are equal.
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Never permit racial or ethnic jokes in your home.
The challenge is to teach him how to oppose injustice but not to stereotype people. Watch the news with him and discuss with him the complexity of what is happening. Express your own concern that innocent people are being made homeless or killed. Show him that you do not blame all Israelis or all Palestinians for the violence.
Let him know that it is OK to be against violence. It is not OK to condemn a whole people for the actions of a few.
Make sure your son knows people of different ethnic and racial groups. Help him understand that each person must be considered individually. Teach him that racism hurts all of us.
If he is becoming anxious from watching TV coverage, limit his TV watching. Watch it with him so you can explain things and help him feel safe. Sometimes pictures on TV are so graphic and realistic that children (or adults) can develop post-traumatic stress disorder.
This is a difficult time for all, especially those with links to the Middle East. Be understanding yet firm that individuals, not ethnic groups, are responsible for the injustices.
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
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