By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC
Question:
My husband believes in spanking, but I really do not. I don't know how to convince him not to spank. I believe it will hurt and confuse our child but he doesn't agree. He says it is how he was disciplined as a child, and he turned out just fine.
Dr. Pat responds:
Attitudes in favour of spanking are difficult to change. Many people use the same argument as your husband.
The danger is that spanking works in the short run. It stops misbehaviour. As a result, it may be used again and again.
In the long run, spanking never works as it teaches that "might is right." Spanking does not teach self-control. Most research shows that if spanking is the usual form of discipline, children have lots of behaviour problems.
Children who have problems are more likely to provoke their parents. Frustrated parents will spank when nothing else seems to work.
Spanking is a failure to succeed with other methods. Parents spank when they have not succeeded in teaching their children to behave.
Section 43 of the Canadian Criminal Code allows parents, teachers, and guardians to use "reasonable" force in the "correction" of children. However, the Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that spanking is illegal if it is:
Arguing with your husband might change his mind. But most of us do not change what we think because of arguments.
You may be able to change your husband's mind if you emphasize all the positive things he does as a father:
And that his use of spanking just does not fit with the generally positive way he interacts with your child.
If your home is loving and positive, a rare spanking that follows the Supreme Court guidelines is unlikely to damage your child. It may be that you and your husband have to respectfully disagree with each other.
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
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