By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC
Question:
Our marriage has broken down completely. My wife and I are going to separate. What can I do to lessen the damage to my five-year-old daughter?
Dr. Pat responds:
Divorce is not good for kids. But there are things that you can do to lessen its impact.
The most important is to reduce the conflict between you and your ex. Here are some do's and don'ts:
-
Don't badmouth your ex to your kid. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything.
-
Do keep all interactions businesslike and courteous.
-
Do keep in contact with your daughter.
-
Do pay support on time. Most children live with their mother after divorce. Most of the time their standard of living drops like a stone. If you mess around with your support, you are punishing your daughter.
-
Don't hassle, berate, harass, bother, annoy, criticize, belittle, disparage, rebuke, fight with, or stalk your ex. You will just be harming your daughter.
Your daughter will be better adjusted if you follow these simple guidelines. It will be even better if your wife does the same.
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
Read more "Ask Dr. Pat" columns
If you would like to send Dr. Pat a question, please email us at about.kidshealth@sickkids.ca.
Dr. Pat will respond to as many letters as possible with evidence-based answers. We hope that the column will be interesting and helpful for readers; however, Dr. Pat cannot provide health care through the column. Please contact a physician or other registered health care professional to provide health care guidance or advice.