By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC
Question:
My son is 14 years old and he uses MSN chat on the Internet and plays games. I don't know how to balance his right to privacy with supervising what he is doing. He is basically a good kid but I worry. What do you suggest?
Dr. Pat responds:
Balancing safety and privacy of your son on the Internet is the same as in other areas of his life. You want to know whom he is visiting and where he is. It is no different on the Internet except it is a bit more difficult to monitor. Your son's privacy stops where risk to his well being begins.
The Internet is a resource. Kids use it in school and it is often a major way they communicate with friends.
However, there are many risks. These include:
- pornography
- sexual exploitation
- bullying
- hate sites
- gambling
- financial exploitation
The web is powerful and far reaching. People often feel that they are anonymous on the web and thus not responsible for their behaviour. They do things on the Internet they would never do in person.
Almost everybody who uses the Internet will be exposed to pornography via unwanted pop ups or spam or by deliberately seeking it.
Sexual exploitation now often begins in chat rooms or by email. Strangers are a risk but so too are people your son knows.
Bullying and harassment are common on the web. Your child might be a victim or be drawn into bullying others. Racists and other hate groups use the Internet to recruit and to spread their filth.
Gambling including poker and other games has become popular on the web. It is illegal with minors but some sites do not take this seriously.
Even legitimate sites spend a lot of money on selling things to youth on the web. There are lots of illegitimate sites as well. He should not buy, sell, or order anything without your direct permission.
The most important thing is to chat with your son about his Internet use. Have many conversations with him. You want to know what he is doing and set reasonable rules. One way to get involved is to have him show you things on the web. He probably knows more than you do anyway.
Some guidance you may find helpful:
- Keep the computer in a public area where you can see what is on screen.
- List the types of sites that are off limits (for example, pornography, gambling, and hate sites). Get his agreement that he will not visit these sites. You have to know where he goes.
- Get to know your son's online friends just like you would with other friends.
- No personal information to anyone on line. People may not be who they appear to be. It is dangerous to give anyone your name, address, telephone number, or email. Make sure you have spam filters on the computer.
- Let your son know he can talk to you if he comes across anything on the web that makes him feel uncomfortable. Talk to him about sexual spam and deleting it immediately.
- Talk about Internet gambling and all the risks involved.
There are many good websites that discuss safety on the internet. I recommend these Canadian resources:
Internet use can consume time. If he spends 3 hours a day on the Internet, he is not playing sports or studying or enjoying his family. Negotiate daily limits on use.
The Internet is here to stay, we have to teach our children to use it safely.
For more information:
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
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Dr. Pat will respond to as many letters as possible with evidence-based answers. We hope that the column will be interesting and helpful for readers; however, Dr. Pat cannot provide health care through the column. Please contact a physician or other registered health care professional to provide health care guidance or advice.