By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC
Question:
We have two young children, aged two and three years, and my wife has been battling depression for years. Before we were married, she was never depressed. What should I do to help her? Her mother had depression for years and I think my mother was depressed. Why are women so likely to become depressed?
Dr. Pat responds:
Depression is caused by what we think, what we do, and how our brains work. Of course each of these influences the other. If I think I am no good, my brain chemistry changes. If I stop doing things I enjoy, my mood will get worse. If my brain chemistry is off, I won't feel like having any fun.
There are psychological, social, and biological reasons that more women than men become depressed.
As everyone knows, women and men are different in a lot of ways. Women, compared to men, are more likely to be:
- more critical of themselves
- more sensitive to rejection and criticism
- more likely to feel they have less control of what happens to them
Social factors are also important in women's depression. Opportunities for women have improved dramatically in the last 25 years. But still, women spend more time taking care of others (husbands, children, parents). Many women enjoy this. But the psychological and physical demands can be overwhelming. Sometimes those who are taken care of don't appreciate it.
Compared to men, women:
- are expected to be more supportive and helpful to others
- still have restrictions in some jobs
- are often undervalued
- often have more duties in the home
- are more likely to be poor
- have more stress
- are more likely to be physically or sexually abused
Women's biology gives them more chances to be depressed. Swings in the level and balance of estrogen and progesterone can trigger depression. For example, many women have premenstrual low mood. Others get depressed after childbirth (postpartum depression) or during menopause.
You can do a lot to help your wife:
- Listen to her and understand how she feels without telling her what to do.
- Encourage her to talk to her doctor about her moods.
- Lighten the burden.
You can do more of the housework and child care. Having a two-year-old and a three-year-old can be a lot of work. Discuss with her what would be most helpful. Maybe it would be an evening for her to go out with some of her friends. Maybe you could take charge of bedtimes. Maybe you can learn how to clean (I mean really clean) the bathrooms.
Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. He is also the CEO of the Strongest Families Institute, which provides mental health care to families across Canada.
Read more "Ask Dr. Pat" columns
If you would like to send Dr. Pat a question, please email us at about.kidshealth@sickkids.ca.
Dr. Pat will respond to as many letters as possible with evidence-based answers. We hope that the column will be interesting and helpful for readers; however, Dr. Pat cannot provide health care through the column. Please contact a physician or other registered health care professional to provide health care guidance or advice.