For generations, parents of teenagers have remarked on the change in the relationship with their children that takes place during the transition to adolescence.
For some families, this can be a difficult and tumultuous period, for others, the changes are more subtle, but for all, relationship dynamics change. This is not surprising, given the need for increased autonomy that is characteristic of this developmental stage. Few studies have followed families over the years that these changes take place. A recent study by Matt McGue and collaborators published in Child Development did just that.
Dr. McGue's group followed a large group of adolescent twins over a period of three years. Approximately 1200 twins completed a measure assessing relationship dimensions conflict with parents and perceived warmth of the relationship with parents at age 11 and then again at age 14. The researchers were interested in if and how the relationships would change, if there would be differences between boys and girls, and if genetics influenced the changing relationship.
Declining relationships -- at least in the teenager's eyes
The investigators found that on average, the perceived quality of relationships between teenagers and their parents declined over the three years of the study along several dimensions. More girls than boys reported a deterioration in their relationships. Almost a third of the girls reported a decline as opposed to about one quarter of the boys.
The effect sizes for the declining relations were moderate. It is important to note, however, that although teenagers' perceptions of their relationships with their parents deteriorated on various dimensions for between 20% and 30% of the group, it improved for about 10% and remained stable for between 50% and 70%.
Because the study included identical (monozygotic) and fraternal (dizygotic) twin pairs, the authors were able to examine the influence of genetics on the changing relationship between teenagers and parents. The logic of a twin study is quite straightforward. Identical twins share 100 percent of their genetic material, fraternal twins only 50 percent on average. Accordingly, if the characteristic of interest is influenced by genetics, the identical twins should be more similar on the characteristic than fraternal twins. The extent to which this is the case would be reflected in a higher heritability coefficient.
The finding was that the contribution of genetic factors almost doubled over the three years of the study on many dimensions, from approximately 10% to 30% at age 11 to approximately 35% to 45% at age 14. One implication of this finding is that with increasing age, children exert more influence over the nature of parent-child relationships. The authors suggested that developmental increases in autonomy cause genetically similar individuals to experience increasingly similar environments, amplifying the effects of genes on the perception of relationships with parents.
According to Dr. Bruce Ferguson, psychologist at The Hospital for Sick Children and Director of the Community Health Systems Resource Group, "keeping your relationships with your teenagers warm and close requires that you understand clearly what is their job, what is your job, and that you always retain the long-term view and your sense of humour."
What can parents do to improve relations with teenagers?
In order to enhance relationships with your teenagers, the Public Health Agency of Canada's National Clearinghouse on Family Violence makes some general suggestions.
- Help your teenagers believe in themselves. They will only believe in themselves if you show them that you have confidence in them and faith that they will make the right decisions.
- Recognize the efforts of your teenagers. Reassure them that they have the qualities you want for them.
And if conflict with your teenager does arise:
- Focus on the behaviour, not the person.
- Think ahead to what you will say and how you will say it.
- Keep your messages clear and concise.
- Stick to one issue at a time.
- Do not argue with the way your teen sees things. Instead, state your own beliefs and opinions
- Do not talk down to your teenager. There's nothing more irritating than a condescending tone
- Do not lecture or preach. This only provokes hostility. Besides, the average teenager goes "deaf" after hearing about five sentences.
- Do not set limits or consequences you cannot enforce.