Many fathers are fearful of the delivery room. They worry that they might freeze, faint, or become sick to their stomachs if they watch the birth. They wonder if it will be a frightening and unpleasant experience to see their partner go through labour and delivery. One good way to prepare for labour and delivery is to educate yourself about what will happen. Read what your partner reads about childbirth. At your childbirth classes, watch the labour and delivery videos. Visit the hospital with your partner to learn what facilities they have available. Talk to friends about their birth experiences.
What you can do to help during vaginal birth
There are three stages to childbirth. Stage one begins when your partner starts having contractions. The contractions act to open or dilate the cervix to 10 cm (4 inches). During this stage, the contractions will become stronger, more painful and more frequent, as the baby’s head descends further and further down into the pelvis. You can help in a number of ways:
- Reassure your partner with loving words and slow, steady movements.
- Offer praise, not criticism.
- Try to distract her.
- Help her to take one contraction at a time.
- Let her stand and lean against you, in an effort to have gravity push the baby along.
- Mop her forehead with a wet cloth and bring her ice chips to chew on.
- Give her a massage if she wants it.
- Encourage her to rest between contractions if she is able to.
- Encourage her to resist pushing until her health care practitioner tells her she should.
Stage two is when the baby is pushed through the birth canal. The contractions during this time can become very painful and frequent. During this time, continue to reassure, support and comfort your partner. Help her to push when she needs to. If you have a mirror close at hand, encourage your partner to watch the baby coming out if she wants. Listen to the nurses and health care providers, and give them room to do their jobs.
Stage three lasts from when the baby is completely delivered until the placenta separates from the uterus and comes out through the vagina. You and your partner will feel relieved that the baby is finally here. You may be given the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord. Once the health care providers have given their OK, put the baby on your partner’s stomach and encourage your partner to start nursing if she is ready. Praise her and encourage her to relax.
If you really don’t want to be at the birth…
There is a lot of pressure for fathers to attend births. However, if you have attended the childbirth classes, read the books, carefully considered the options with your partner, and you really don’t want to be there, then perhaps there is someone else, such as your partner’s mother, sister, or close friend, who would be more than willing to be her labour partner. If not, consider hiring a doula, which is a professional hired to “mother the mother” and take care of her emotional needs during childbirth. Missing out on the birth will not affect your ability to bond with your baby.