Temperament: What You Can Do

What to do for your baby

There are three major types of temperament: easy, difficult, and slow-to-warm-up. Easy babies are just that: they adapt easily to new situations, react mildly to things, and have a positive and happy mood most of the time. Difficult babies have intense reactions and difficulty adapting to new situations; they cry often and have an overall negative mood. Slow-to-warm-up babies have a low activity level and they take a long time to adapt to new situations. They are sometimes thought of as shy.

Studies show that, of all the temperament types, the difficult temperament is most likely to continue as the baby gets older. It is also the one that causes the most stress in parents. If you have a difficult baby, he may simply have colic and could grow out of his fussiness. However, his seemingly unbecoming behaviour could very well continue, which no doubt will cause you stress and anxiety. If this is the case, you may need to learn to adjust your reactions to him as he gets older, in order to be a more effective parent. Here are a few tips for interacting with your difficult baby:

• Spend lots of time with him, one-on-one, reading a book or singing to him.
• Try to be as consistent as possible with regard to naptimes, activities, feeding, and other daily activities
• Learn to anticipate your baby’s fussy periods. If you know he will get upset in certain situations, try to avoid those activities.
• Offer physical comfort when he is upset, by giving him a big hug.
• If your baby has very intense reactions and emotions, try to remain calm and avoid rocking him too vigorously.
• Avoid labelling your baby as “bad.”

What to do as your child gets older

There are nine criteria that make up your child’s temperament: activity level, rhythmicity, distractibility, approach/withdrawal, adaptability, attention span/persistence, intensity of reaction, sensitivity, and quality of mood. Here is a description of these nine temperament criteria and how they relate to the different types of temperament.

Adapted from Thomas A, Chess S, Birch AG. The Origin of Personality. Scientific American 1970;223:102-9.
www.sciam.com.

Here are some tips on how to help your child, as mentioned in the book Pathways to Competence by child development specialist Dr. Sarah Landy.

Activity level

If your child is very active, provide him with opportunities to let off some steam, such as running, jumping, and climbing. Alternate these activities with fine motor activities like drawing or cutting. If you need him to be quiet, make sure it is only for a short period of time. Help him practice moving slowly like a snail, and play games like Simon Says, which have slow and fast movements in sequence. Encourage him to use words instead of always using actions to express himself. Provide consistent limits and structure.

If your child has a low activity level, give him enough time to finish tasks. Do not criticize him, and do not allow other more active children to take over. Focus on his accomplishments. Encourage him to do exercises to improve his coordination.

Rhythmicity

If your child is very regular in his daily routine, try to accommodate his need for regularity. Maintain his routine as much as possible on holidays, vacations, and outings. Prepare him well ahead of time for any transitions, and talk to him about any changes in routine that are coming up.

If your child is not regular at all in his routine, accept how he feels but impose social rules. For example, accept that he may not be hungry, but ask that he sit at the table and eat one thing. Accept that he might not be tired, but tell him to stay in his bed. Impose a regular waking time, mealtimes, and bedtime. Give him time to wake up in the morning and help him to establish a routine. Show your child how to talk himself through the routine.

Approach/withdrawal

If your child does not respond well to new situations, support him through new experiences and set a time limit. Prepare for new activities by encouraging your child to use his imagination and pretend he is getting ready for an adventure. Be there for him when things do not work out. Encourage him when he shows initiative, and follow his lead when appropriate. Help him to talk about his feelings. Try inviting a playmate over, perhaps someone who is younger. Teach your child appropriate ways to approach new children, such as saying “Can I play?” or “Can I help?”

If your child plunges into new situations readily, watch him carefully to keep him safe. If he is pushy with other children, teach him appropriate ways to approach them. If your child tends to be overenthusiastic at first about a new situation, and then negative, try to prepare him ahead of time and give him realistic expectations.

Adaptability

If your child takes a long time adapt to new situations, provide him with many opportunities to experience new things in a brief and gradual way. Provide predictable routines. Do not use a sink-or-swim approach, as this can make your child more anxious. Talk about upcoming events, let him ask questions, and provide reassurance. Warn him about transitions. Give him opportunities to interact with other children, and teach him appropriate ways to approach new children.

If your child is quick to adapt, enjoy it and just make sure the situation is safe. Let him know you appreciate how well he is managing. Check that he is continuing to enjoy the activity. If his enjoyment is fading, remind him that sometimes this happens.

Sensitivity

If your child is very sensitive to textures, flavours, or noises, avoid those certain clothes, foods or other items that trigger intense reactions. Give him words to explain how he feels. When situations get too difficult, for example, when too many people are around, remove him. Try to calm your child before he spins out of control. Teach your child how to use deep breathing techniques in difficult situations. When your child shows positive reactions such as empathy and concern, encourage him.

If your child is not sensitive, he may come across as passive and uninterested. Alert him to cues he may be missing, and make sure he understands what is being requested. Draw him out by being very persistent and enthusiastic, and working hard to get his attention. Find out what does stimulate him, perhaps listening to loud music or playing on the swings, and provide opportunities for these activities.

Intensity of reaction

If your child has very intense reactions, try to keep your cool, and respond in a calm way. Listen to his concerns and discuss them. Ask him to talk calmly about what is upsetting him. Use time-outs to let him, and you, cool down. Step away from the situation if necessary.

Try to intervene before your child has a meltdown. Look for those signs that his intensity is building. Persist in your limit-setting and do not give in.

If your child’s reactions are very mild, listen to his opinions and take his complaints of pain and upset seriously. Encourage him to express his opinion and talk about his feelings. Make sure to soothe him when he needs it, even if his reactions are low key.

Distractibility

If your child is easily distracted, provide him with a small enclosed place to play, and very few toys at a time. Make sure he understands any directions, and remove any distracting items if possible. Provide him with firm limits and structure. Insist that he spend some concentrated time on the activities, but give him breaks periodically. When he finishes a task, praise him.

If your child is not easily distracted, provide him with warnings about when to stop an activity. Try not to ask your child to do something when he is in the middle of concentrating on something else. If he is constantly trying to be alone in order to get something done, make sure to include him in social activities as well.

Attention span/persistence

If your child has a problem sticking with things and paying attention, use touch, pictures, and verbal instructions to help him finish a task. Offer guidance and assistance, and stay close by in case the task gets too difficult for him. Have him work for brief periods at a time in an uncluttered, consistent place. Let him take breaks while doing a task, but make sure he returns to the task after the break. Make sure he completes the task, and praise him when he does.

If your child is very persistent with a high attention span, praise his persistence when appropriate. Choose your battles carefully, and try to negotiate whenever possible. At the same time, make sure you are clear about rules, and stick to them. Teach your child to estimate the time it will take to complete a task, and let him know that sometimes he needs to stop before he finishes a task. Give him a warning if you need him to interrupt a task.

Quality of mood

If your child is negative and unpleasant much of the time, try to help him see the positive. Show him what he can do. Teach him to look at both sides of a situation, but do not downplay his distress. If he becomes very upset, try giving him a short time-out as a way to calm down. Teach him appropriate ways to express anger and frustration. Give him lots of opportunities to experience fun activities that he enjoys.

If your child is happy and positive most of the time, enjoy it! Let him know you appreciate his good nature. However, teach him to be a bit more cautious about people, and give him some safeguards.