Losing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with griefLLosing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with griefLosing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with griefEnglishNeurologyChild (0-12 years);Teen (13-18 years)BrainNervous systemNAAdult (19+)NA2009-07-10T04:00:00ZKaren Drybrough, RN, MScN Ute Bartels, MD Laura Janzen, PhD, CPsych, ABPP-CNFlat ContentHealth A-Z<p>Comprehensive advice for helping other children grieve over and cope with the death of a brother or sister. Answers from Canadian Paediatric Hospitals</p><p>Children understand death differently, depending on their age. Early on, they may think it impermanent and only later on do they understand it is more final. Young children tend to personify death, viewing it as a monster, for example. After about age 10, they start to understand death and realize they too can die. </p><h2>Key points</h2> <ul><li>Children will cope with the death of a sibling differently depending on their age.</li> <li>Have your child speak to a counsellor or therapist if you feel they need help coping.</li></ul>
Soins palliatifs pour les tumeurs cérébrales : Aider les frères et sœurs à faire leur deuilSSoins palliatifs pour les tumeurs cérébrales : Aider les frères et sœurs à faire leur deuilLosing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with griefFrenchNeurologyChild (0-12 years);Teen (13-18 years)BrainNervous systemNAAdult (19+)NA2009-07-10T04:00:00ZKaren Drybrough, RN, MScNUte Bartels, MDLaura Janzen, PhD, CPsych, ABPP-CNFlat ContentHealth A-Z<p>Conseils exhaustifs pour aider les autres enfants à faire leur deuil et à composer avec le décès d’un frère ou d’une sœur. Réponses des hôpitaux pédiatriques canadiens.</p><p>Les enfants comprennent la mort différemment, selon leur âge. Au début, ils peuvent penser qu’il s’agit d’un état temporaire; ils ne comprendront que plus tard que la mort est finale. Les jeunes enfants ont tendance à personnifier la mort; ils peuvent la voir comme un monstre, par exemple. Vers l’âge de 10 ans, ils commencent à comprendre la mort et à se rendre compte qu’ils peuvent mourir eux aussi. </p><h2>À retenir</h2> <ul><li>Les enfants composent avec la mort d’un frère ou d’une sœur de manière différente en fonction de leur âge.</li> <li>Amenez votre enfant consulter un conseiller ou un thérapeute si vous ressentez qu’il a besoin d’aide.</li></ul>

 

 

Losing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with grief1393.00000000000Losing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with griefLosing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with griefLEnglishNeurologyChild (0-12 years);Teen (13-18 years)BrainNervous systemNAAdult (19+)NA2009-07-10T04:00:00ZKaren Drybrough, RN, MScN Ute Bartels, MD Laura Janzen, PhD, CPsych, ABPP-CNFlat ContentHealth A-Z<p>Comprehensive advice for helping other children grieve over and cope with the death of a brother or sister. Answers from Canadian Paediatric Hospitals</p><p>Children understand death differently, depending on their age. Early on, they may think it impermanent and only later on do they understand it is more final. Young children tend to personify death, viewing it as a monster, for example. After about age 10, they start to understand death and realize they too can die. </p><h2>Key points</h2> <ul><li>Children will cope with the death of a sibling differently depending on their age.</li> <li>Have your child speak to a counsellor or therapist if you feel they need help coping.</li></ul><h2>How do children understand death?</h2> <p>The following provides a basic understanding of children's concepts of death and dying.</p> <h3>Infant (up to one year old)</h3> <p>Death has the least significance to infants under six months. Their reaction to death is related to the absence of familiar persons or attachment to a consistent caregiver and is demonstrated by stranger anxiety. The infant becomes increasingly aware of the absence of people or objects and reacts to the separation or loss. </p> <h3>Toddler (one to three years)</h3> <p>Egocentricity and vague separation of fact and fantasy make it impossible for toddlers to understand death. They may repeat what sounds like a correct definition of death such as, “Grandpa is dead. He went to heaven.” However, they may later talk about going fishing with him. Toddlers can think about events only in terms of their frame of reference, which is living. </p> <h3>Early childhood (three to six years)</h3> <p>In early childhood, children have usually heard the word "death" and have some sense of its meaning as a departure or a kind of sleep. They may recognize the fact of physical death but don’t separate it from living activities. They think that the dead person in the coffin still eats, sleeps, and breathes. </p> <p>For these children, life and death are interchangeable. There is no real understanding of universality and irreversibility. Egocentricity and magical thinking may cause them to believe their thoughts are sufficient to cause events. </p> <h3>School age (six to 12 years)</h3> <p>School-aged children may attempt to personify death as a ghost, bogeyman, or devil. Some of these names have a destructive connotation. These children may fear mutilation and punishment because they associate them with death. </p> <p>Despite their understanding of causality, their decreased egocentricity, and a more advanced perception of time, they still associate bad thoughts and deeds with the cause of death. Therefore, they feel intense responsibility and guilt. However, they have more developed cognitive abilities and may respond well to logical explanations. </p> <p>By nine or 10 years of age, most children have an adult concept of death as inevitable, universal, and irreversible. Their attitudes towards death are influenced by the reactions of others. Some researchers have found that children with a religious orientation that stresses a relationship with a greater being and reunion after death have less anxiety and fear than those who equate death with sin, punishment, and hell. </p> <h3>Later school age, adolescence (12 years and older)</h3> <p>Older children and adolescents have the most difficulty coping with death. They are least likely to accept the cessation of life, especially if it’s their own. Any suggestion of being different or of non-being is a tremendous threat. The effects of a terminal illness on their personal appearance may be of greater concern than the prospect of dying. Their orientation to the present causes them to worry more about physical changes than the prognosis for their future recovery. </p> <p>Parents may be frustrated with their adolescent’s apparent inability to accept the possible benefits of treatment if it means an altered body image. Intellectually adolescents can understand the necessity of treatment, but emotionally they have great difficulty overcoming their feelings of being different, unequal to others, and physically compromised because of their illness. </p> <h2>How do children react to a sibling's death?</h2> <p>The death of a sibling often leaves remaining siblings feeling guilty. They may assume that they did something to cause the death. It's important to simply explain the details of the death and reassure them they had nothing to do with it. Children may also be angry at their sibling for leaving, or angry at the doctors for not being able to save the sibling. Younger children may be very irritable, have nightmares, play very vigorously or do things that are self-destructive. Older children may deny their pain, withdraw, or act in self-destructive ways. All of these responses are normal. </p> <p>Through all this, continually tell your surviving children that they are loved, that it's okay to feel the way they do, and that the intensity of their feelings will ease a bit over time. Resist the urge to chastise children for their feelings; instead, allow them to react naturally. </p> <h2>How do you help your other children grieve?</h2> <p>Have frank discussions about their sibling's death and let them talk about their feelings. Answer their questions honestly, in order to help them make sense of a very troubling and painful experience. Use clear and concise words. Give them information that is age-appropriate and specific. If you cannot answer a question, tell them you do not know the answer but that you will find out. </p> <p>Ask if there is anything they have been wondering or worrying about and reassure them that any worries or questions are OK. Reassure them that there is nothing they could have done to prevent or cure their sibling's illness. </p> <p>Talk about the child who died and share memories. Try to avoid idealizing the child who died and making them larger than life or comparing surviving children to them. By the same token, resist the urge to overprotect your surviving children. Involve your children in decision making following their sibling's death, such as funeral planning, even if they are very young. Find out whether having a special keepsake from their sibling would be comforting. </p> <p>Make sure that your children are eating and sleeping a reasonable amount, doing okay at school, and keeping up with friends. Withdrawal and excessive crying are a concern, as is a complete lack of response or emotion. If a surviving child won't talk about the child who died, try drawing them out; for example, try saying: "We haven't talk about [name] for awhile. What are you thinking?"</p> <p>Surviving children may need someone other than a parent to talk to. If your child gets along well with his grandmother or a close family friend, for example, they might be in a position to offer comfort and also be on the lookout for serious adjustment problems. </p> <h2>Should siblings come to the funeral?</h2> <p>The experts suggest that children of any age can handle attending a funeral if they are well prepared. Age should not be the deciding factor. The key thing is that the decision is theirs to make. Before having your surviving children decide whether to attend the funeral, explain to them what a funeral is, what it's for, how it will take place, where it will take place, what they will see, and who will be there. </p> <p>Armed with that information, they can decide whether to participate or not. It's important to respect their choice either way. They need to participate in the grieving process too, to be consoled, loved, and supported. Often parents are concerned that it will be too overwhelming for a child. However younger children tend not to have the issues with death that adults do. </p> <p>If they decide to attend, prepare them to see their sibling dead in the casket and people very sad and crying. Reassure them that this is normal and that what they will feel is normal, that it's okay to cry and be expressive. Be aware that some children may only show grief later as they age and better understand what happened. </p> <p>If you are worried you won't be able to give your children the attention they need during the funeral, arrange to have someone else with whom the children have a good relationship accompany them. </p> <h2>How can you help your other children return to school?</h2> <p>Returning to school after the death of a sibling can be a very difficult adjustment. Children worry that they will be upset in front of others or that their school mates will treat them differently. The pressures of schoolwork may also be too much for a grieving child. </p> <p>As a parent, you can help ease the process by going to the school ahead of your child's return and talk to your child's teachers and classmates. Ask your child's teachers to provide extra support when your child returns, either in the form of academic support or in terms of time alone as needed or time away from class. Your treatment team can refer you to someone who can help your child if they need someone to talk to. </p> <p>Talking to your child's classmates can help prevent your child from having to answer questions from curious classmates. This will also give them time to think about doing something to make your child feel welcome, for example with handcrafted cards or pictures. Recognize that there will be some questions from classmates, and it would helpful to prepare your child to answer them ahead of time. </p> <p>Let the classmates know what happened and explain what a hard time this is for your child. Ask them to think about how they would like to be treated if they were in a similar situation. Give them a chance to ask questions. Just make sure that this approach is acceptable to your child and confirm what they want others to know before going ahead. </p> <p>If you do not feel comfortable explaining your child's situation to their classmates, there are health care professionals who can come to the school to visit your child's class. Contact your treatment team to find out who can help. </p>Losing a sibling to a brain tumour: Helping a child deal with grief

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