Experiencing stress and juggling many responsibilities are a normal part of life, both for you and your child. Sometimes, however, it can be difficult to manage the challenges of a child's brain disorder and their related mental health issues.
What are some warning signs that my child is having trouble coping?
Behaviour
- As a toddler, your child's behaviour might be difficult to control.
- Your child might withdraw from family, friends or extracurricular activities that they once enjoyed.
- Your older child or youth may spend too much time on their studies at the expense of sleep or social time.
Thinking and learning
- Your child might have poor attention and focus.
- Your child might have early learning difficulties in literacy or math or in understanding and keeping up with the pace of classes in higher grades.
Planning and organizing
- Your child might complain of being overwhelmed by work at school or responsibilities.
- Your child might express increased frustration or irritability over homework.
- There may be difficulties in keeping up with deadlines and finishing assignments or tests.
- Your child might avoid doing work that they were previously able to do.
Physical health
- Your child might complain more often about their physical health, such as stomach aches or headaches.
How can I help my child cope?
Some coping strategies require your child to manage their thoughts; others require your child to manage their behaviour.
Coping strategies to manage thoughts
Often children may have thoughts such as "I'm not good enough" or "I try my best and still fail". These types of thoughts lead to increased stress, poor mood and increased anxiety. Another common tendency is to blame all their difficulties on their medical condition and feel hopeless.
In these different situations, some useful strategies include:
- helping your child see the quality of their learning instead of focusing on their grades or number of study hours
- encouraging your child to take mental breaks from school work
- encouraging your child, when they are older, to volunteer in their community or take up a co-operative education opportunity so they can practise their academic skills without the pressure of a test.
Coping strategies to manage behaviour
You can help your child moderate, or adapt, their behaviour by:
- providing specific praise for desirable behaviour
- redirecting or distracting a younger child from unwanted behaviour or coping skills
- recognizing your child's emotions as real, no matter what causes them
- remembering how hunger, loneliness and tiredness may affect your child's behaviour – and your own
- setting realistic goals and expectations for your child based on their cognitive abilities as well as current mental health
- breaking down work into manageable parts and helping your child or teen plan how to complete it
- reviewing your child's individual education plan (IEP) with their school principal and teachers
- agreeing on a set of goals about homework, assignments and how you can best help (some kids want parents to organize them and some may want more independence)
- encouraging your child to take up a physical activity they enjoy
- ensuring your child gets enough sleep each night
- helping your child to get involved in social activities
Consulting with professionals
It is also important to consult with therapists or other mental health professionals as needed. You might find it helpful to talk to someone about your own experiences of parenting-related stress and coping skills. Caring for your own adult mental health sets a powerful example to your child and strengthens your ability to support them.
Consider getting an updated neuropsychological assessment for recommendations specific to your child's developmental stage, for example as they enter the teen years and/or start high school. The assessment can also be therapeutic because the neuropsychologist is there to help your child recognize their strengths and abilities, address any negative coping thoughts and identify any issues such as depression or anxiety.
Further information
For more information on brain disorders and related mental health challenges, please see the following pages:
Brain disorders and mental health: Overview
Brain disorders and mental health: Assessing your child for neuropsychological difficulties
Brain disorders and mental health: Common treatments
Resources
The following books offer useful information about brain disorders and related mental health issues.
Dawson, P. & Guare, R. (2009). Smart but Scattered. New York, NY: The Guildford Press.
Dawson, P. & Guare, R. (2010). Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents. New York, NY: The Guildford Press.
Greene, R. W. (2014). The Explosive Child. New York, NY: HarperCollins.
Guare, R. & Dawson, P. (2013). Smart but Scattered TEENS. New York, NY: The Guildford Press.
Huebner, D. (2005). What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety. Magination Press.
Siegel, D. J. (2013). Brainstorm. New York, NY: Penguin Group.
Siegal, D. J. & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole Brain Child. New York, NY: Random House.