When children come home from school, many parents look forward to hearing about their day. Instead, the conversation often goes something like this:
"How was your day?"
"Fine."
And that's the end of that.
"How was your day?" may sound like a simple question, but it requires a child to do several things at once. To answer, a child needs to think back through hours of experiences, decide what was important, organize their thoughts and communicate it in a way that makes sense to the listener.
After a full day of learning, socializing, problem-solving, following directions and managing emotions, asking your child to answer more questions can feel like a lot.
Summarizing an entire day on the spot can be difficult for anyone. When adults are asked, "How was your day?", we often respond with "fine," "busy" or "good" for the same reason.
The following tips can make communication easier and more meaningful for both of you.
Timing matters
One of the biggest mistakes we make is trying to start a meaningful conversation right at school pick-up or the moment our child walks through the door.
Many children need time to transition. They may be tired, hungry, overwhelmed, excited or simply decompressing after being "on" all day. Instead of jumping in with a series of questions, consider waiting until everyone has had a chance to reset. Some children are more likely to talk:
- while enjoying a snack after school
- at dinner time
- during bath time
- on the drive to an extracurricular activity
- while walking the dog together
- while drawing, building or playing
The best conversations often happen when communication is not the focus.
Put down the screens
When we ask about a child’s day while scrolling on our phones, or when they are focused on a screen, our attention is divided. We are competing with something designed to capture attention.
Shared attention supports connection and communication. Putting devices aside, even for a few minutes, can create the space for conversation to develop naturally.
Think beyond questions
Sometimes, the best way to learn about a child's day is not through questions. Try sharing something from your own day:
"You'll never guess what happened at work today."
"I had the funniest conversation this afternoon."
You can also make comments instead of asking questions:
"That artwork looks interesting."
"You seem really proud of that project."
"Looks like you had a busy day."
Comments invite conversation without putting a child on the spot.
Make communication easier
Direct open-ended questions can feel more demanding, especially for children who have language delays, are reluctant communicators or may speak less because of stuttering.
These are other strategies to try:
- Offer choices: “Was gym or art your favourite part of the day?”
- Ask them to show rather than tell: “Show me something you worked on today.”
- Look through something together: Go through their planner, artwork, classroom app or an assignment together and comment on what you see.
- Use information from school: If you receive a note, photo or other update from the teacher or school, use it as a starting point for conversation. You can also ask your child’s teacher or school team for ideas.
For children who use or benefit from AAC (augmentative and alternative communication), pictures can be a wonderful way to discuss the school day. Looking at photos from school, classroom visuals or creating a simple visual choice board with options (e.g., friends, recess, lunch, reading, gym or music) can help children share experiences without relying solely on spoken language.
Sometimes, your child may point to something, show or give you something, use a gesture, choose a picture or bring you their work instead of talking about it. That is communication too!
Let teens lead
Teenagers are far more likely to talk when you are doing something alongside them, like driving them somewhere, making them food or just sitting nearby. They have spent all day at school managing friends, pressure and expectations. When they get home, they are likely tired, hungry, stressed about homework and probably desperate to check their phones and have time alone. They may come home and lock themselves in their bedroom. Sometimes, the best conversations happen when we stop trying to make them happen. Give them some space, be around and let them come to you when they are ready.
Connection over conversation
The meaningful conversations we are hoping for often arrive sideways. They start with a joke from recess, a funny story about a teacher, a favourite snack at lunch or a science experiment gone wrong. A few minutes later, that conversation naturally grows into something bigger.
Remember that the goal is connection and not to get a play-by-play report of the day.
Sometimes, connection starts with a comment.
Sometimes, it starts with a shared activity.
And sometimes, it starts with a smile and a greeting:
"Hi, it’s great to see you."