The final part of this lesson is about strategies that may help you communicate with health-care providers, teachers and other school staff. Your teen is also learning about how to communicate and advocate for themselves with these professionals.
The three key steps to successful communication involve:
The tips below were also given to your teen about how to improve their communication, but they are useful for adults as well.
Prepare your message
If you have something important to communicate, take time to consider what you want to say and why you want to say it.
Use the following steps to help you prepare your message.
1. Set a goal
What do you want to achieve? For instance, what do you want the other person to know or do because of what you say? Knowing your goal will help you focus on the most important points you want to share with the person you are talking to.
2. Practise
You might want to practise delivering your message by writing out a script or just the main points or key words that you want to communicate. You might practise this alone, in front of a mirror or with another person who will give you helpful feedback.
3. Choose the right time
Plan ahead and choose a time when no other important topics will be discussed. Choose a location with few distractions. This might be hard at a clinic appointment or school, but letting others know right away what you want to discuss will help them know what to expect and prepare accordingly.
Deliver your message
Use positive body language
The way you stand, your eye contact, your facial expression and the tone of your voice all help the person you are communicating with figure out the meaning of what you are saying.
Try your best to face toward the person you are speaking to, lean in and look them in the eyes. Do not do things like roll your eyes, check your phone or look at the clock.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements
Using “I” statements helps you identify and stand by your feelings and ensure that the other person does not feel the need to defend themselves. You already learned about using “I” statements with your teen.
For example, try saying, “I felt angry when I was told my child needed to be admitted to the hospital for their pain crisis,” instead of, “You made me so angry when you told me my child needed to be admitted to the hospital for their pain crisis.”
Be specific
Say exactly what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear about what you want when you communicate your goal and state your point as directly as you can.
For example, if you want to be more involved in making decisions, try saying, “I want to be asked for my opinion when a decision involving me needs to be made.”
Collect your thoughts
Pausing during a conversation gives you time to think about what you want to say before you respond. Sometimes, when we are worried or feel emotional during a conversation, we may think that there has been a long silence when only a few seconds have gone by.
To practise taking a pause in the conversation the next time you have a casual conversation, count to five in your head and think about your response before you answer.
This practice will give you an idea of how long five seconds is, and you can feel more comfortable with pausing when you need time to think before you respond in the future.
Try to stay calm
Feeling emotional is not a bad thing, but it can be hard to think and speak clearly when your emotions are too strong. If you have something important to say, there might be a lot of emotions tied up in your reasons for communicating. Using strategies like pausing can help you keep calm and communicate your message more effectively.
If you feel yourself getting emotional or upset during your conversation, pause and take a few deep breaths. Focus on the movement of your breath in and out. Tell the person that you are communicating with that you need a moment to collect your thoughts, and then start again.
Reflect on your message
Afterwards, think back to your goal and reflect on how it went. It can be helpful to use the questions below as a guide.
- Did you achieve your goal?
- What went well?
- What could have gone better?
- What would you do differently in the future?
- How could you reward yourself? Do not forget to reward yourself with something you enjoy for trying out these skills!